Speaking Too Soon...

Have you ever felt like you've spoken too soon? Perhaps you waited and waited for the right moment, but as soon as the words left your mouth, something happened that made them completely irrelevant?

Well, it looks like I spoke too soon. Two nights ago, I blogged about not knowing my next steps. My contract assignment was coming to a close at the end of the week—of which I was actually grateful for multiple reasons—but I didn't know where the next check was coming from to move forward and I was slightly apprehensive. I know my destination, but I've been taken on a side path and didn't know whether it was time to get back on the main road or not.

Less than twelve hours later, the next morning, I was pulled into a side office to talk. Last time this happened, it was because I was making phone calls regarding a short film I was producing while sitting at my desk and multi-tasking. This time, it turns out that the person I was filling in for would not be returning from maternity leave. Since we both know that I'm not the right person for the job permanently, they wanted me to stay on board until they can hire someone. This could be an indeterminite two to four weeks of extra work.

Why was I not excited, you ask? Mostly because I had already prepared myself mentally for the job to end and for me to move on. I was ready to be back to work in my own office and to find a way to sit and write. This threw a major monkey wrench into my plans and I had to readjust.

My first response was to pray. There are some small rooms set aside for private phone calls (the poor acoustics make them unusable, but that is another story), so I went inside and closed the door for some private quiet time with my creator. It was a request for wisdom and guidance. Was this Him opening the door, or did he have something bigger for me? Perhaps the advice I got from one of my pastors is correct: "I think that the answer of what to do next is whatever He puts in front of you."

Second, I made a pro/con list. The cons far outweighed the pros (of which there was one: money), but that was a big enough positive that I couldn't just bypass the opportunity. The subsets of that included paying bills and maybe even getting an apartment and changing my living situation, which is currently my major prayer request.

The final thing I did was to not respond immediately. I had until this morning to let them know how long I could extend my contract. In the end, I told them that I would stay the full length until they found someone (hopefully not to last longer than four weeks). Trying to convince them to give me a small bump in pay for these final weeks, but we shall see how that plays out.

So, my plans changed almost as soon as I wrote about them. Maybe if I blogged more frequently, I could speak too soon more often. You know, I'm never going to get that TV show picked up... ;-)

My Next Steps...

Life is all about chapters and eras. I think that's how God designed our brains, so we can comprehend. Something begins, then it ends and another takes it's place. Since we live in a linear universe, life must happen in a linear fashion. Yes, there can be overlap, but I think that most of us will agree that this is how life typically unfolds.

I've been in a bit of a pensive mood all evening. A small chapter in my life—an interlude, if you will—is about to end and I have no clue what is about to beset me. I know where I want to go, but these last few weeks have sidetracked me and I'm not sure if it's time to get back on the path yet, or not. Yes, I would like to, but I am sensitive to God's timing and direction.

Ask me what I would like to do after this week is over. Go ahead, I'm waiting. What's that? You want to know what I would really, really like to do after this week is over? Alright. Since you asked, I will tell you. I want to take a few days, drive up the coast and find a nice, remote motel and sit down with my laptop and limited internet connection and write. Get everything out of my system. Scripts, blogs, series bibles, treatments, you name it. And then I would come back to Los Angeles with an arsenal full of finished material (yes, I used the term 'arsenal' on purpose) to actually begin producing and getting underway.

Here are two problems with that plan: 1) I don't have the money for a trip. This client contract that is ending will serve an important role of barely catching me up on my bills, but leaves me nothing moving forward. I need a new source of income and I'd like it to actually be from the entertainment industry. 2) I don't have a working laptop, nor do I have the funds to buy one (or a cheap netbook). So, I am effectively trapped between what I feel like I need to do and what I financially am able to do.

There's another reason that I am feeling to apprehensive. Let me just say this now: I am a producer. I only build websites for money. There, I feel a little better. I am tired of this dual persona, where I have to pretend that I'm not in the entertainment industry when I'm on-site with a client (I've actually gotten talked to about my telephone conversations numerous times) while not promoting my front-end development skills the other 95% of the time because I'm trying to brand myself in a particular career sector. I already have people who only see me as a web developer, despite my numerous accolades and awards. This is frustrating and damaging to my future. It's time to move on, but I can't. I need the income.

And so I sit here, wondering what my next step is. When I look at how much money this seven and a half week contract brought me compared to how much money I was behind, it comes out almost even and I see God. I know that this is where I was supposed to be for the past few weeks. Yes, I was frustrated at times and the commute was hell, but it was nothing that I couldn't handle. I just don't know what's in store for me. I question how I am paying for August bills. I seek answers to resolving my living situation, which needs an immediate change.

What I'm saying is this: the contract I am about to finish was good for what it was—getting me caught up on bills—but I need something better as soon as this chapter ends on Friday. When I turn the page, I hope to begin a new act where my past is put behind me, my future unfolds before me, and this events are only spoken of as anecdotes of how God made me stronger.