My Next Steps...

Life is all about chapters and eras. I think that's how God designed our brains, so we can comprehend. Something begins, then it ends and another takes it's place. Since we live in a linear universe, life must happen in a linear fashion. Yes, there can be overlap, but I think that most of us will agree that this is how life typically unfolds.

I've been in a bit of a pensive mood all evening. A small chapter in my life—an interlude, if you will—is about to end and I have no clue what is about to beset me. I know where I want to go, but these last few weeks have sidetracked me and I'm not sure if it's time to get back on the path yet, or not. Yes, I would like to, but I am sensitive to God's timing and direction.

Ask me what I would like to do after this week is over. Go ahead, I'm waiting. What's that? You want to know what I would really, really like to do after this week is over? Alright. Since you asked, I will tell you. I want to take a few days, drive up the coast and find a nice, remote motel and sit down with my laptop and limited internet connection and write. Get everything out of my system. Scripts, blogs, series bibles, treatments, you name it. And then I would come back to Los Angeles with an arsenal full of finished material (yes, I used the term 'arsenal' on purpose) to actually begin producing and getting underway.

Here are two problems with that plan: 1) I don't have the money for a trip. This client contract that is ending will serve an important role of barely catching me up on my bills, but leaves me nothing moving forward. I need a new source of income and I'd like it to actually be from the entertainment industry. 2) I don't have a working laptop, nor do I have the funds to buy one (or a cheap netbook). So, I am effectively trapped between what I feel like I need to do and what I financially am able to do.

There's another reason that I am feeling to apprehensive. Let me just say this now: I am a producer. I only build websites for money. There, I feel a little better. I am tired of this dual persona, where I have to pretend that I'm not in the entertainment industry when I'm on-site with a client (I've actually gotten talked to about my telephone conversations numerous times) while not promoting my front-end development skills the other 95% of the time because I'm trying to brand myself in a particular career sector. I already have people who only see me as a web developer, despite my numerous accolades and awards. This is frustrating and damaging to my future. It's time to move on, but I can't. I need the income.

And so I sit here, wondering what my next step is. When I look at how much money this seven and a half week contract brought me compared to how much money I was behind, it comes out almost even and I see God. I know that this is where I was supposed to be for the past few weeks. Yes, I was frustrated at times and the commute was hell, but it was nothing that I couldn't handle. I just don't know what's in store for me. I question how I am paying for August bills. I seek answers to resolving my living situation, which needs an immediate change.

What I'm saying is this: the contract I am about to finish was good for what it was—getting me caught up on bills—but I need something better as soon as this chapter ends on Friday. When I turn the page, I hope to begin a new act where my past is put behind me, my future unfolds before me, and this events are only spoken of as anecdotes of how God made me stronger.