A Sign Of A Changing Heart?

When I moved to Los Angeles, I committed to being a different person here than I was in San Diego. Not that there was anything inherently wrong with my personality, but I wanted to curb my sexual joking and commenting and prepare myself to attract a mate.

Today, my decision was tested and tried and I was not found lacking.

Being a Thursday morning, I awoke to stunt people already jumping around and playing on the circus equipment. As the morning waxed into afternoon, one guy prepared to take off and told me a sexual joke before he left. I got the punchline and smiled, but didn't laugh out loud.

"What's wrong with you?" Asked another guy, who was standing nearby. Apparently, he found my lack of laughter to be some form of killjoy. "That was funny and you didn't laugh. I'm never telling you any jokes!"

"What?" I inquired. "I got it. It amused me and I smiled."

My response didn't satisfy the two of them and, a moment later, the original guy decided to tell me another sexual joke. I found it humorous, but again, I did not laugh out loud.

I decided that I needed to return the favor and tell a sexual joke of my own. Something that I had on reserve for just such an occasion... Nothing came to mind. I knew I had one somewhere, but I couldn't even bring it to the forefront of my brain and out of my lips! It was as if my biological storage bins had been wiped clean.

So, i just stood there with nothing to say. No innuendo-filled response or even a half-hearted chuckle. I offered no excuse or apology for not partaking in this manly ritual of jest and jaunt.

Perhaps I was just tired. I know that I do still make the occasional sexual comment and I'm still tempted to cross certain lines in my life that I shouldn't, but I looked back at this incident and began to wonder if God was blessing my commitment to live closer to Him and to emulate a more godly Christian than I used to. Is this the fruit of wanting to be the someone that my future has been praying for?

Regardless, I felt different today. I felt as if I stood out for not doing something crass in the midst of others who were, whereas I used to be the one spouting out filthy comments because I was "the crazy Hollywood person" and I had to remind my friends of that every day.

I've said before that I need to be a different kind of different to stand out in this city... and this is just the first step.


Blogged from my iPhone.